Porn (particularly cyber-porn) is a problem of epic proportion in mainstream culture as well as in the church. I won't bore you with statistics, but church people (even church staff) view porn almost as frequently as the culture in general. We all feel guilty about porn. Can there be liberation from porn? Yes, a correct view of God can give you freedom from porn. Let's take it from the beginning.
Why is porn so addictive for men? We've all heard that the problem is that men are more visual than women. This may be true, but the problem is much deeper than that. What's more,
the genesis of the problem is the way in which God made man. For you see, God made man to be attracted to woman. God did this to ensure that the human race did not die out. In fact, one of my favorite theologians, C.I. Scofield, says that sexual relations between a man and a woman is akin to the "shekinah" glory of God. This is radical and even offensive. But it's true.
The real problem with porn is that it detracts from this "shekinah" glory. Rather than reveling in sexual relations with our wives, we want other women. We want other women who are more sexually adventurous. We want other women with larger breasts and smaller waists. Porn robs our marital relationships of the beauty and glory that God desires for us. I should know. For many years, my married sex life was not very satisfying. I wanted other women. Then something happened--1)I came to realize how devastating fantasies about other women can be; and 2)I came to realize that God's love for me was no different whether I looked at porn or or fantasized about other women or not.
Porn is devastating, because you begin making love with the images of other women in your head. Of course, you can also have images of other women without porn. But porn tends to make it worse. I was tired of having other women in my mind. I wanted to be totally focused on my wife, and nothing else.
For years, I had tried to stop looking at porn out of guilt. I would tell myself how wrong it was. I would dwell on my guilt. I would pray endlessly for deliverance. I would tell myself that God's blessings would be withheld from my family if I continued looking at porn. In some sense this is true, but not really. I was harming my family, but God wasn't. I was withholding blessings, but God wasn't.
Guilt never works. A Reformed pastor in Seattle wears a t-shirt that says: "God sees you when you are looking at porn." Is this helpful? Have you ever had long term liberation from a particular sin based upon guilt? Needless to say, I never have. Needless to say, grace is the only change agent for sin, not guilt or the law.
So, what changed for me? I came to have a radically different view of God. Instead of believing that God was disappointed in me every time that I looked at porn or thought about other women, I came to realize that God's love for me did not change. How can this be true? It's true, because God views us in light of Jesus' salvific work on the Cross. When God looks at us, he sees us as "completely perfect and beautiful as Jesus." (quoting Jamal Jivanjee). As this truth became more and more real to me, God became more and more beautiful. God's grace became radical! I wasn't loved because I was a "good person"--being a Deacon and Sunday School teacher. Also, and importantly, I wasn't unloved because I fantasized about other women.
God doesn't love us for what we have or have not done, or what we will or won't do, He loves us in spite of all of the done and undone things in our lives. He loves us even knowing that we will continue to sin. He loves us in a supernatural way that no human is capable of loving us. As this realization came to grip my heart, my desire for other women began to wane. Over the years, my desire for my wife has grown and grown. She is absolutely beautiful and precious to me. Scofield's comment about the "shekinah" glory has proven true. All praise to God--the beginning and ending of our faith and our lives.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Charles Barkley and Jesus--"Call no man Father"
Alert: This post contains profanity.
How many of us will go to church today where the preacher, in all sincerity and belief that he is doing what is right, will try to "shepherd" us? Virtually every preacher in this country in some sense will try to "shepherd" us today. He or she will tell us what we need to do to be good Christians. He or she will tell us what we need to do to draw closer to God. They believe that it is their job to instruct us, to help us along our spiritual journey.
What did Jesus have to say about this? "Call no man Father." Only God is our Father.
Charles Barkley gets this. Now Barkley may have said: "I'm not a role model," because he didn't want to be overly scrutinized. But I'm not sure that's it. Barkley has always been up front about his partying and gambling. That's what we need a from a preacher--genuine acknowledgement of their fallenness and the proclamation of God's forgiveness of that fallenness.
To all preachers:
"Be up front about your sin. Acknowledge your fallenness. Don't let your congregation put you on a pedestal. Don't instruct your congregation. Actually, for once in your lives, point to Jesus--solely to Jesus. This is the greatest gift that you can give to your congregants--pointing to the unconditional love of Christ for fallen man--for those sins that we can't seem to shake, for those sins that continue to beset us."
For you see, the only way that we can ever achieve any sort of freedom from sin is when we know that God loves us even if we continue sinning. That's right, God loves husbands and wives when they shout at each other in front of their children. God loves children when they are disobedient to their parents. God loves men when they watch porn, and women when they read Harlequin novels (female porn, according to my wife.) God loves us when we put ourselves first over God and over our neighbors. We know that all of these things are wrong. We don't need a preacher to tell us to love God and our neighbors.
That's it--that's the pure unadulterated Gospel. When this is proclaimed from the pulpit, our hearts begin to change. Out of the gratitude for a love that exceeds belief, our hearts begin to change. We don't have to be right. We don't have to put on a pious front.
We become people who can apologize to our wives for not caring about what is important to them. We become people who can apologize to our children for screaming at an Alabama basketball game: "God damn it ref, make the fucking call." (In the past, I wouldn't have apologized to my children--"it was a terrible call so I should be free to express my frustration.") Now, I can apologize to my children. It may be that I shouldn't attend Alabama basketball games any more. :)
But, to all preachers out there, listen to Jesus and Charles Barkley. The American church might, just might, turn around if you do.
May God bless and keep all of the men and women who will step into pulpits today around the world. May God give them the courage to express the rarest idea in human history--the pure, unadulterated Gospel. May God remove the burdens of self-righteousness and piety from their shoulders. May God remove their congregants' expectations that they will be role models. May God remove their congregants' expectations that they will instruct them. May the Gospel be proclaimed today to the suffering.
How many of us will go to church today where the preacher, in all sincerity and belief that he is doing what is right, will try to "shepherd" us? Virtually every preacher in this country in some sense will try to "shepherd" us today. He or she will tell us what we need to do to be good Christians. He or she will tell us what we need to do to draw closer to God. They believe that it is their job to instruct us, to help us along our spiritual journey.
What did Jesus have to say about this? "Call no man Father." Only God is our Father.
Charles Barkley gets this. Now Barkley may have said: "I'm not a role model," because he didn't want to be overly scrutinized. But I'm not sure that's it. Barkley has always been up front about his partying and gambling. That's what we need a from a preacher--genuine acknowledgement of their fallenness and the proclamation of God's forgiveness of that fallenness.
To all preachers:
"Be up front about your sin. Acknowledge your fallenness. Don't let your congregation put you on a pedestal. Don't instruct your congregation. Actually, for once in your lives, point to Jesus--solely to Jesus. This is the greatest gift that you can give to your congregants--pointing to the unconditional love of Christ for fallen man--for those sins that we can't seem to shake, for those sins that continue to beset us."
For you see, the only way that we can ever achieve any sort of freedom from sin is when we know that God loves us even if we continue sinning. That's right, God loves husbands and wives when they shout at each other in front of their children. God loves children when they are disobedient to their parents. God loves men when they watch porn, and women when they read Harlequin novels (female porn, according to my wife.) God loves us when we put ourselves first over God and over our neighbors. We know that all of these things are wrong. We don't need a preacher to tell us to love God and our neighbors.
That's it--that's the pure unadulterated Gospel. When this is proclaimed from the pulpit, our hearts begin to change. Out of the gratitude for a love that exceeds belief, our hearts begin to change. We don't have to be right. We don't have to put on a pious front.
We become people who can apologize to our wives for not caring about what is important to them. We become people who can apologize to our children for screaming at an Alabama basketball game: "God damn it ref, make the fucking call." (In the past, I wouldn't have apologized to my children--"it was a terrible call so I should be free to express my frustration.") Now, I can apologize to my children. It may be that I shouldn't attend Alabama basketball games any more. :)
But, to all preachers out there, listen to Jesus and Charles Barkley. The American church might, just might, turn around if you do.
May God bless and keep all of the men and women who will step into pulpits today around the world. May God give them the courage to express the rarest idea in human history--the pure, unadulterated Gospel. May God remove the burdens of self-righteousness and piety from their shoulders. May God remove their congregants' expectations that they will be role models. May God remove their congregants' expectations that they will instruct them. May the Gospel be proclaimed today to the suffering.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
The Fragility of Life and Jesus
As I walked this morning, I listened to PZ's podcast entitled "The Infinite Frost," in which he recounts the untimely death of his college roommate. His roommate drowned while sailing on the river behind his house over Christmas break. Paul says that he didn't take in the grief at the time. A short time later, while in Grand Central Station, he saw Archie and ran trying to catch up to him. At that point, the grief hit him.
For me, I never truly grieved over the death of my father until I read "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy--some twelve years after my father died. When my father died, I was busy with a job, two young children, and a five-day old baby. McCarthy's idea in "The Road" that the father had died "carrying the light" and that he was going on to make a way for his son made me stop what I was doing and sit down and weep. McCarthy writes about this again at the end of "No Country for Old Men." It is a powerful image.
The idea that my father went on to prepare a way is a wonderful sentiment, but it has no efficacy. My father's death in no way prepares a way for me. My father's death has no real meaning in the grand scheme of the world. He won't be remembered after I die, and I won't be remembered after my children die. But there was one man whose death did prepare a way--whose death has continuing efficacy for me, for all of us, today.
About ten years ago, a friend came to me and asked me how I had changed my ways. He told me that I had been one of the most lustful men that he knew, and that somehow I had changed in a remarkable fashion--almost overnite. I knew that I had changed, but I didn't realize that others had noticed--mainly because I didn't think my lustful tendencies were that pronounced. Obviously, they were!
I told my friend that I had learned about Christianity really for the first time from a Bible study taught by PZ. I had been brought up in the church, even considered being a preacher, taught Sunday School, and was a Deacon, but I had never, ever heard the true message of Christianity until I went to PZ's Bible study. I firmly believe that I wasn't a Christian until I went to PZ's Bible study. What's more, I didn't understand what PZ was saying until God brought me to my knees.
In 2001, God attacked my job, my marriage, and my health. Debbie told me that she was waiting for the kids to graduate from high school so that she could leave me. She told me that she was "plotting her escape." I had significant issues with one of my best clients, and I learned that I had a liver disease. For the first time in my life, I realized that I wasn't in control. I realized that I couldn't get by with my efforts and a little help from Jesus (what I had always heard in church--"God helps those who help themselves.") I realized that I brought nothing to the table and that it was only by the grace of God that I lived and had anything. Through God's gracious attacks upon me and through hearing the Gospel from PZ, I was remarkably transformed. My wife decided to hang in there with me. Now, twelve years later, we have a wonderful marriage.
So, what about my friend? I gave him some cassette tapes with PZ's sermons. About a month later, he came back to me and said: "Is this really true?" Shortly, there after he changed jobs. He began handling death penalty appeals, because, if Jesus was a lawyer, that's what Jesus would do. He became the outreach leader at a church. Then he was killed. He was driving home after visiting a hospital patient, and a car came across the median and killed him. But Jesus had gone on before my friend. Jesus had made a way for my friend. My friend was welcomed home by his true father. The fragility of life is overcome by the death and resurrection of Jesus.
For me, I never truly grieved over the death of my father until I read "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy--some twelve years after my father died. When my father died, I was busy with a job, two young children, and a five-day old baby. McCarthy's idea in "The Road" that the father had died "carrying the light" and that he was going on to make a way for his son made me stop what I was doing and sit down and weep. McCarthy writes about this again at the end of "No Country for Old Men." It is a powerful image.
The idea that my father went on to prepare a way is a wonderful sentiment, but it has no efficacy. My father's death in no way prepares a way for me. My father's death has no real meaning in the grand scheme of the world. He won't be remembered after I die, and I won't be remembered after my children die. But there was one man whose death did prepare a way--whose death has continuing efficacy for me, for all of us, today.
About ten years ago, a friend came to me and asked me how I had changed my ways. He told me that I had been one of the most lustful men that he knew, and that somehow I had changed in a remarkable fashion--almost overnite. I knew that I had changed, but I didn't realize that others had noticed--mainly because I didn't think my lustful tendencies were that pronounced. Obviously, they were!
I told my friend that I had learned about Christianity really for the first time from a Bible study taught by PZ. I had been brought up in the church, even considered being a preacher, taught Sunday School, and was a Deacon, but I had never, ever heard the true message of Christianity until I went to PZ's Bible study. I firmly believe that I wasn't a Christian until I went to PZ's Bible study. What's more, I didn't understand what PZ was saying until God brought me to my knees.
In 2001, God attacked my job, my marriage, and my health. Debbie told me that she was waiting for the kids to graduate from high school so that she could leave me. She told me that she was "plotting her escape." I had significant issues with one of my best clients, and I learned that I had a liver disease. For the first time in my life, I realized that I wasn't in control. I realized that I couldn't get by with my efforts and a little help from Jesus (what I had always heard in church--"God helps those who help themselves.") I realized that I brought nothing to the table and that it was only by the grace of God that I lived and had anything. Through God's gracious attacks upon me and through hearing the Gospel from PZ, I was remarkably transformed. My wife decided to hang in there with me. Now, twelve years later, we have a wonderful marriage.
So, what about my friend? I gave him some cassette tapes with PZ's sermons. About a month later, he came back to me and said: "Is this really true?" Shortly, there after he changed jobs. He began handling death penalty appeals, because, if Jesus was a lawyer, that's what Jesus would do. He became the outreach leader at a church. Then he was killed. He was driving home after visiting a hospital patient, and a car came across the median and killed him. But Jesus had gone on before my friend. Jesus had made a way for my friend. My friend was welcomed home by his true father. The fragility of life is overcome by the death and resurrection of Jesus.
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