Jesus made some pretty radical statements about fatherhood. He didn't tell fathers to be kind and humble towards their children. He didn't tell fathers to be a good leader for their children. He didn't tell fathers to run a good Christian home. Instead, Jesus pointed out the radical inadequacy that we all have to be fathers, leading us to die to our own fathering abilities and to call on God's endless mercy.
What did Jesus say? "Call no man father, for you only have one true father." "If a man doesn't hate his mother and father, he can't be a follower of mine." Those don't sound like the teachings of the kind, gentle hippie Jesus that is often described by the liberal preachers. Nor does it sound like the teachings of the conservative, morality-loving Jesus that is often described by the evangelical preachers. Maybe, just maybe, Jesus is other than He is commonly described...He is truth and mercy. He loves us knowing full well our inadequacies, even our inadequacies as parents.
As an aside, it is these incorrect depictions of Jesus that incite so much hatred towards Christians. The preachings of the liberal preachers cause persons to view the church as non-consequential, i.e., they don't really have anything significant to say other than "be nice to others." The preachings of the evangelical preachers cause persons to view the church as unloving and judgmental. As noted on Mockingbird recently, the comments in response to the article "The Gospel in Stephen King" showed hatred and ignorance towards the church from those accusing the church of ignorance and hatred.
What can we draw from Jesus' teachings that will allow us to be better fathers or father-figures? It's not just blood fathers, but also coaches, pastors, teachers, Boy Scout leaders, etc., who serve as father-figures. Sometimes, coaches have a much greater influence on young peoples lives than their actual fathers. So, this written to all who serve in fathering roles.
Perhaps it would be good to start with my own failure as a father. I was raised in a Southern Baptist background and was taught what a good Christian family should look like, and I set about trying to achieve it. Unfortunately, my efforts to create a good Christian family weren't just ineffectual, but were harmful. I tried everything to get my wife and kids to walk and talk like good Southern Baptists (who I thought at one point were good Christians). I tried being gracious, setting appropriate rules, being a role model, rewarding...you name it, I tried it. But, all to no avail. About 12 years ago, my wife told me that, if it weren't for the children, she would leave me. She told me that she was: "plotting her escape." I was completely blind-sided. I had no idea at how poor I had been as a husband and parent. As Debbie recently said: "We often cause pain and harm when seeking good things for others."
Thankfully, Debbie finally told me what she thought about my parenting. Thankfully, God allowed me to hear her comments without rejecting them. Thankfully, as I realized that I was completely inept as a parent, God's grace began to infuse me. As I began to understand God's grace, I began to apologize to my children when I did wrong; I began to seek their ideas; I began to allow them to choose what they wanted to do; I began to set boundaries in a loving, non-self-righteous fashion. I'm still not the best dad, and never will be. I can now admit this, without thinking that I will become less in the eyes of my children. In fact, I have become greater in their eyes. As I no longer try or pretend to be the "perfect dad," they now can love me as I am. Hopefully, I am no longer a hypocrite in their eyes, or not as big of a hypocrite as I once was.
So, "you only have one father." In other words, only one person, God, displays the attributes of fatherhood with perfection. Only God is perfect truth and grace. So,we need to counsel our children to look to Jesus for perfection, not us. This not only will bless our children, but it will take the burden of being a perfect father off of our backs. Loosed from this burden, we can much better love our children.
So, "hate your father and mother." We need to counsel our children that our love, in comparison to the perfect love of God, is greatly deficient. Furthermore, it is God's fathering love that imbues us, as parents, with the humility and grace needed to be parents. Our efforts at being fathers will always involve mistakes, but if we acknowledge our mistakes and point our children towards the boundless love of God, maybe, just maybe, our children will grow up to be integrated, loving people. At the very least, they will have much a much better chance of doing so.
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