Sexual Healing--Part 1 of 2

"Sexual Healing" is the title of one of Jefferson Bethke's poems that has become all the rage.  Bethke is also perhaps better known for his poem about "Jesus v. Religion."  Sexual healing is what America needs;  it is what men and women in America need;  it is what the church needs.

Why is the divorce rate so high?  Why do so many men, and an ever increasing percentage of women, cheat on their spouse?  Most preachers, and most people, would say that it is due to the increasing moral laxity in America or due to Internet porn which allows men to see other women seemingly enjoying sex (of course, Internet porn is nothing but a lie).  I propose that it is neither.  Instead, I think there are two chief issues--a)men do not love their wives as they should;  and b)the great majority of women view sex as dirty.  I must admit that, with the latest generation, the second point may no longer be true.  But it is certainly true for many generations of women.  I going to tackle this issue in another post, but first, let's tackle the issue of men not loving their wives.

Men not loving their wives all boils down to this--we are sinners.  Jesus was right--we are inveterate sinners.  We live our lives as if we are good people.  If we are good people, then we deserve good sex from our wives.  Wrong, wrong, wrong!  If we live believing that we are good people, then we can never properly love our wives.  If we believe that we are good people, then our wives can never give us good enough sex.  Only when we realize that we are sinners, loved solely due to God's grace, can we begin to love our wives correctly.

For example, how many men have a "honey do list?"  We men believe that, once we do what is on the list, then our wives either will or should give us good sex.  When we live like this, we are living "quid pro quo" lives.  There is no grace, no true love, in "quid pro quo" lives.  This is what started the Protestant Reformation.  The Catholic theologians of the 15th century taught that our relationship with God was contractual--a "two way" street--that we could earn God's grace.  Luther was right to attack this heinous, heretical view of our relationship with God.  If this view won't work in our relationship with God, why would this view work in our relationship with our wives?

The only truly good works are works that are done neither for gain, nor for fear of recrimination or judgment.  Truly good works only flow from us when we realize that God loves us just as much when we are sinning as when we are not.  Wow, now that's radical.  God loves men just as much when they are watching Internet porn, as when they are not.  God loves men just as much when they are trying to straighten their wives out, as when they are not.  (By the way, it is just as sinful to try and straighten our wives out as to watch Internet porn.  It just stems from our self-righteousness, rather than our licentiousness.)  When we finally come to grips with this radical love that God has for us, we begin to have this radical love for others.  It is this type of selfless, radical love that we are to have for our wives.  But you can't get it by seeking it.  You can't get it by trying to conjure it up.  You can only get it as your heart is captivated by the loveliness of Jesus.  

So, this is the first problem to consider when we men wonder why our sex lives aren't any better.  Instead of looking for preachers or friends who will tell us how to treat our wives better, look for preachers and friends who will tell you that you are a sinner (not only in your bad works, but also in your good works), but a sinner loved by Jesus.  Then, and only then, will you begin to grasp the love of Christ, and then, and only then, can you begin to express this love to your wife.